Move Your Body

Last night we went out to do some grocery shopping, and since I was in a bad mood, I really wanted to make a stop at Whole Foods.  For whatever reason, Whole Foods has an almost visceral affect on me.  Every single time I walk in to that place I instantly feel better.  If I’m feeling down, it lifts me up.  If I’m feeling happy, stepping into a Whole Foods makes me manic.

Let me tell you about the new Whole Foods on North and Sheffield in Chicago.  We parked on the second floor of the parking garage.  We tried to park closer but couldn’t get a spot up front as many of them are reserved for “alternative-fuel vehicles.”  I smiled thinking “Gosh, Whole Foods.  You never let me down.  You’re so forward-thinking.”  I ignored that cynical little voice inside me that was saying, “Wow.  Isn’t THAT pretentious.  A perk for people who can afford to be early adopters.  Where’s your handicapped spots Whole Foods?  Expectant mothers?”  I’m sure they’re there.  I’m sure I  just missed them.

We parked and entered the store.  As we descended on the escalator inside, we got an aerial view of the entire Whole Foods experience.  I can assure you, you have never seen so many bright colors in one place in your life.  Orange clementines are piled high into intricate pyramid shapes.  “How do they do that!?” you’ll ask yourself.  Fresh green grapes as big as ping-pong balls beckon you to put them in your cart to snack on as you shop.  Mangoes are stacked high in beautiful wicker baskets; rare vegetables line the walls and you’re sure you can’t find this stuff anywhere else.

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We needed Poblano peppers and Thai chilies for some dinners we’re making this week.  I spotted them easily and grinned from ear-to-ear as I placed them in the little plastic bag hanging nearby.  We next made our way over to the bath and body section.  There were baskets filled with varieties of bath salts that you can scoop yourself and take home.  I stood smelling the Eucalyptus salts until I was almost high…thinking how much relief I would be feeling if I had a cold.  Almost wishing I had a cold so these Whole Foods salts could work their magic.

We sauntered by the fish counter, with pinks and silvers so bright and fresh you just can’t tear your eyes away.  Tilapia for $9.99 a pound?  What a steal!  I’ll take two!  Courtney wanted to take a stroll through the cheese section.  The cheese section at Whole Foods makes me weak in the knees.  I’m a cheese-addict, and walking through that section is what I imagine walking into a crack-house might feel like for a crack addict.  The sushi-counter is the next stop.  Where there’s actually Asian people making the rolls.  I stared at a spicy tuna handroll for ten minutes before Court dragged me away.

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The rest of the trip in Whole Foods is simply a delight.  We splurge on things like “organic oatmeal” and find some rare Mediterranean spices for a meal this week.  The online reviews of the recipe said it was almost impossible to find these spices.  Psssht.  Obviously they didn’t check Whole Foods.

I breathe in all the organic, natural, healthy goodness – just knowing that shopping here is making me healthier.  I’m putting good, organic things in my body.  Who cares if I don’t exactly know what that means!?  Who cares if there are so many conflicting messages about what’s good and what’s bad for you that I can’t even tell them apart anymore!?  I know Whole Foods is good for me!  I buy eggs from chickens that can roam freely, damn it. And that’s what’s important.

I left Whole Foods feeling punch-drunk.  We spent $30 and got a bunch of great stuff – including Poblano peppers, a mango and  grapes as big as ping-pong balls.

It wasn’t until we got to Stanley’s Fresh Market on Elston that I started to come back to reality.  Stanley’s is no Whole Foods.  It’s a no-bullshit kind of place.  Where as Whole Foods is filled with rich Lincoln-Parkers sipping wine as they shop, Stanley’s tends to cater to people that just need some greenery at a good price.  It’s a Moms-in-big-winter-coats-putting-food-on-the-table-for- four-kids, kind of place.

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If I met Stanley he’d probably be like, “You want mangoes?  We got mangoes. Go look on the back wall,” without looking up at me.  Indeed Stanley’s has mangoes.  In fact, they had them on special last night.  Two for $.98.  I paid $2 for a single mango at Whole Foods.  Stanley’s also has grapes.  For about $1.50 a bunch.  I paid $5.59 for my grapes at Whole Foods.  Yes, you read that right.  Almost $6 for my grapes.  Granted, my Whole Foods grapes looked a helluva lot better than the Stanley’s grapes…but I can’t tell you that they were really worth four times the price.  Then I found the Poblano peppers.  Stanley’s was selling them for $.98 a pound.  I bought two from Stanley just to punish myself.  I paid $.52 for one at Whole Foods – they were $1.99 a pound.

What the hell Whole Foods?  Are you trying to make a fool of me?  I thought we had an understanding!?  I’ll pay the premium as long as I know I can’t get it anywhere else.  As long as I’m reasonably convinced that you have healthier choices.  I put up with the aisles clogged with Lincoln Park trixies toting their baby bjorns.  I practice healthy self-talk when I start getting pissed that Whole Foods has turned into more of a “place to be seen” than a grocery store.  I ignore the nagging, cynical voice inside my head that says, “When did eating healthy and organic become so Goddamn trendy?  And how the hell do people afford this shit?”

We all want to eat healthy.  Most people would agree that they want to eat things that make them stronger and healthier.  Foods that come from more natural ingredients instead of processed, evil-scientist-created ones.  But during times like these, and arguably at all times, you want to know that you’re getting a good deal.  You do NOT want to walk down the street and find the same damn pepper for a fraction of the price.  I don’t mind paying a little extra for fresher meat and fish – and I can definitely taste the difference.

Don’t get me wrong.  I still love Whole Foods.  But as much as I love it, I can’t help but feel like a poser every time I go there.  I think, “I’m not cool enough or rich enough to be here.”  And no one should have to be cool or rich to eat healthy.